Very Kobold X-mas!, A

Warning! This is a work of fiction. It is not our intent to affirm or refute the existence of Santa Claus, flying reindeer, aliens, the strange and mysterious properties attributed to the Bermuda Triangle or viscious government conspiracies to mollify the population through the use of subliminal messages, talk shows and *censored* *censored*. Happy Holidays!

Oh so many years ago, a big fat human had a vision. He saw himself alone in the arctic waste, surrounded by reindeer and midgets. He could spend all his time making toys to win the affection of little girls and boys across the world.

He got his reindeer, his midgets and his trophy wife but he was still missing that special something. A list that held the name, address, favorite color, and naughtiness of all the boys and girls across the world. No ordinary list would do, no this must be a constantly updated list, one that could track the naughtiness of children throughout the years and would automatically remove and add children to the list as they were born and grew older. How could such an enormous undertaking be managed, you ask? There were a lot of products available, but eventually he settled on a standard text display powered by oracle on the back end. Thus 'The List' was created.

When first they heard about 'The List' kobolds thought that it must be a farce. Nothing could be so perfect! Never ones to let logic rules their lives, a number of parties went north in search of 'The List' but none ever returned . . .